


Drought Breaker

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, fighting inner demons, low-sodium salt shaker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 15:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12460278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: "We all have our dry spells," Taako had said. Only one other person in the room knew that Taako's dry spell had taken some heroic efforts and a lot of paranoia to overcome.





	Drought Breaker

Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone, the Balance Arc, and all the characters therein belong to the McElroy clan. I just break hearts and help eyes to water

 

Drought-Breaker

InterNutter

 

Candlenights was coming, and he’d spent all his spare coin on that stupid silver flatware for that stupid boy detective who was now a co-worker. And it wasn’t even the complete set. There was only one thing he could do to appease the wanting co-workers who would wonder why the newbie got a present and nobody else did.

He had to  _ make _ something.

And since his skills were limited, that meant he had to do something that he hadn’t done in over six years.

_ Cook _ .

He’d run over the checklist thirty times. Bowls. Spoons. Whisks. Oven. Privacy. Nobody was going to check the kitchens in the literal middle of the night. Baking tray. Rice paper. Almonds. Eggs. Sugar. Elderflower extract. Fantasy Dutch courage. It was a large bottle of the worst rotgut ever brewed in a boot from rats’ intestines. Not that it mattered to Taako. All he’d ever taste was key lime go-gurt.

He poured a glass and downed it. Checked the shelf that was at eye level for the low-sodium salt shaker.

He was going to  _ need _ that.

Hang up the Umbra-staff and tell it in no uncertain terms that he didn’t need its help with this. This is now a no-magic zone. Comprende?

It simply dangled in ridiculous frilly excess and stayed on the hook.

Good.

Taako pre-heated the oven and checked that the low-sodium salt-shaker was still there. Downed another glass of the rotgut. Gave himself a pep talk. “It’s this or the Candlenights feast, Koko. We can do this.” Painful memories from his youth came with the juvenile eke name, but it couldn’t be helped. Just like  _ we can do this _ , it came with psyching himself up to do something that turned his bowels to water with abject terror.

The almonds were sweet and fresh. He’d made certain. Milling them had a certain mind-numbing monotony to it, but he dare not linger long. He had six hours to pull this together before the kitchen crews caught him.

Ground to powder. Sniff. Sample. A few grains from the low-sodium salt shaker. Watch, frozen, for an entire minute as the crystals resolutely remain white. Good. Another glass of fortified key- lime go-gurt and the alcohol finally made the fear begin to evaporate.

_ Do not think of the last crowd. Do not see the people vomiting blood every time you close your eyes. Think of Aunty Quesadilla. Think of the happy kitchen times. _

At every step: separating the whites, adding the sugar, beating the whites to stiff peaks… every last step gained a few grains from the magic shaker. Every step halted for an entire minute as he watched, unblinking, as the crystals stayed white. And then it was time for another glass.

*

Magnus found Taako in the BoB’s big kitchens at four in the morning. He had come seeking an early-early breakfast appetiser or at least some chitchat. He had not expected to see Taako there.

The Umbrastaff was hanging on the furthest hook from the cooking arena.

Taako was standing at the countertop, fist clenched tight around the low-sodium salt shaker. And he was trembling like a leaf from tip to toe. Breathing ragged. Staring at batches of fresh macaroons.

Magnus decided to cheer him out of his funk by being cheerful. “Oh wow, are those the elderflower ones? Can I have--” he was already reaching for one on the tray.

Taako screamed like Magnus was about to murder his baby. “NOOOO!” And actually tried to shove him away as if the macaroons might explode.

And then Magnus remembered the Lonely Hearts Cantina. Where they’d met up over Kreg’s List. He’d heard about Glamour Springs. The whole world had. And now Taako’s mumbled line about bad oregano or an improper garnish made a whole world’s worth of sense.

Magnus rushed in and swept Taako up in a hug. “It’s okay. I can see the crystals and they’re still white. Not a pink crystal to be seen. You did good, buddy.” He would never give Taako any shit about a magical item that he never seemed to use on any adventures. Not after this.

Taako was leaking moisture from his eyes. Trying not to openly sob and failing. “You tell anyone I cried and I will murder you myself.”

Magnus grinned. “Deal. Let’s hide these before the breakfast horde arrives. Okay?”

Nod. An elegant sleeve inelegantly mopped up any errant tears. “You understand, of course, that I only trust you to hold the jar steady. I’ll plate these up before the office party.” And just like that, Taako had his usual facade on.

Nobody would question his puffy eyes. Nobody would question his lack of energy, that morning. It was  _ him _ . To ask questions was to get a flood of misinformation or an offer of Magic Missile applied directly to the arse of the inquisitor, and the entire moon base knew this.

And nobody would guess that it was  _ Taako _ who managed to smuggle five litres of Dankest Pit Moonshine onto the moon and then imbibe nearly three quarters of it.

Well. The whole moon base except Angus. Who somehow managed to get both a reprieve and the truth.

Most of it, anyway.

END!


End file.
